Confessions of a Fat F*ck

Why Humans Actually Change Their Behavior

There’s a never-ending battle between the sexes on social media, specifically on Twitter, where I most frequently lurk. The combatants fight about all manner of things, but one increasingly common theme is the discussion of women’s weight.

Many of the arguments are just exchanging mean-spirited barbs, but those aren’t the ones that interest me. The ones that make me sigh, shake my head, and wonder how grown adults can be so stupid are the attempts to inspire lifestyle change in an obese woman.

The following is an entirely fictional, made-up conversation between a beautiful, stylish woman (W) in her early 30s (Close-up pfp of her very full face) and an anonymous man (M) who indicates he is also in his 30s. But because his pfp is an anime character and he keeps his real identity hidden… who knows? This made-up conversation is indicative of how these dialogues usually go:

W: I am single and unhappy because men are trash. Where are the good men? I want a husband and babies. I’m a good cook! I’m pretty! All my friends tell me how beautiful I am! And I have a great job! Why can’t I find a good man?

M: Because you’re fat. Your face is pretty but you’re still fat. You should lose weight.

W: I am gorgeous. I do not need you to agree with me. You’re probably a porn addict who’s bald and lives in his mother’s basement.

M: I am none of those things. I’m hot and get laid whenever I want. And I’m telling you, being fat is hurting your dating prospects. It’ll also hurt your ability to get pregnant. You’re over 30, so that’s an issue in itself.

W: [Blocks man, posts screenshots of his comments, basks in sympathetic responses]

M: [Posts screenshot of the block, declares victory in the debate with the delusional foid].

The problem with that is the man thinks he’s being helpful. He thinks he’s offering reasonable counterpoints and correcting this woman’s delusional assumptions about herself (and by extension, men).

“Hey, if you want to accomplish your stated goals, here’s some concrete changes you can make.”

(Real example below, though not from an anon)

The problem is that’s not how behavior change works, something even the smartest among us seem to be willfully blind to.

“Find Your Why” and Other Bullshit

Like everything else in the world, behavior change is aspirational. Self-help books and courses about losing weight or any kind of self-improvement conveniently gloss over that. They tell you to “find your why,” with the explanation that if you have a clear purpose for losing weight, you’ll be committed to it.