Confessions of a Fat F*ck

Why Humans Actually Change Their Behavior

There’s a never-ending battle between the sexes on social media, specifically on Twitter, where I most frequently lurk. The combatants fight about all manner of things, but one increasingly common theme is the discussion of women’s weight.

Many of the arguments are just exchanging mean-spirited barbs, but those aren’t the ones that interest me. The ones that make me sigh, shake my head, and wonder how grown adults can be so stupid are the attempts to inspire lifestyle change in an obese woman.

The following is an entirely fictional, made-up conversation between a beautiful, stylish woman (W) in her early 30s (Close-up pfp of her very full face) and an anonymous man (M) who indicates he is also in his 30s. But because his pfp is an anime character and he keeps his real identity hidden… who knows? This made-up conversation is indicative of how these dialogues usually go:

W: I am single and unhappy because men are trash. Where are the good men? I want a husband and babies. I’m a good cook! I’m pretty! All my friends tell me how beautiful I am! And I have a great job! Why can’t I find a good man?

M: Because you’re fat. Your face is pretty but you’re still fat. You should lose weight.

W: I am gorgeous. I do not need you to agree with me. You’re probably a porn addict who’s bald and lives in his mother’s basement.

M: I am none of those things. I’m hot and get laid whenever I want. And I’m telling you, being fat is hurting your dating prospects. It’ll also hurt your ability to get pregnant. You’re over 30, so that’s an issue in itself.

W: [Blocks man, posts screenshots of his comments, basks in sympathetic responses]

M: [Posts screenshot of the block, declares victory in the debate with the delusional foid].

The problem with that is the man thinks he’s being helpful. He thinks he’s offering reasonable counterpoints and correcting this woman’s delusional assumptions about herself (and by extension, men).

“Hey, if you want to accomplish your stated goals, here’s some concrete changes you can make.”

The problem is that’s not how behavior change works, something even the smartest among us seem to be willfully blind to.

“Find Your Why” and Other Bullshit

Like everything else in the world, behavior change is aspirational. Self-help books and courses about losing weight or any kind of self-improvement conveniently gloss over that. They tell you to “find your why,” with the explanation that if you have a clear purpose for losing weight, you’ll be committed to it.

“I want to live long for my kids!”
“I want to run a marathon!”
“I want to find the love of my life!”

The problem with all those is that they are incomplete sentences. They don’t encompass the emotional and psychological element of what you truly want. And for good reason. 9 times out of 10, you’d have to admit something unflattering about yourself in order to properly nail down your “why.”

This is because weight is a social/sexual bargaining chip, not a health concern. Get mad if you want. You know I’m right.

When people cite “Health,” it’s a smoke screen. When men complain all over the internet about how fat American women are, are they concerned about their resting heart rate? Their potential for the dia-beetus? No. They’re mad at the aesthetic wasteland of slop hogs they have to look at whenever they venture out in public or onto dating sites.

When women express interest in losing weight, do they cite recent lab tests? Or even an actual, honest-to-goodness health scare? Sometimes, but only in the most extreme cases.

“I want to live long for my kids!” = “I saw my son’s text messages and he’s embarrassed that his friends made fun of my appearance.”
“I want to run a marathon” = “I want to get thin and film my fitness journey so that asshole will rue the day he left me for Tiffany.”
“I want to find the love of my life!” = “I need to get a lot hotter to land the guy I actually want.”

Note: These are generalities for people of prime dating age (20s and 30s), so please don’t retort with your specific experience of having a major heart attack at 48 and GENUINELY losing weight to get healthy for your kids. I see you, but I’m looking at the young folks for this. And their poor diet choices often don’t catch up until later.