The Sexes are Fighting (For all the Wrong Reasons)

Adjusting your expectations for what you really want

“You don’t want to be a wife. Actually, you say you would ‘rather be dead’ than do it again. So why are you on dating sites looking for a husband?”

So ended an awkward conversation with a (perhaps former) friend of mine who asked for my honest opinion.

Dating and marriage have become landmines of hostility, with each sex lobbing hateful generalities at the other.

Women withhold sex as a weapon!
Men are selfish and lazy!
Women get fat the second you put a ring on it!
Men are emotionally abusive!
Women file for divorce over nothing!
No, MEN abandon the family and the WOMAN is left filing the paperwork!!!!

And on and on it goes. I have been married nearly 15 years and, as a I detailed in an earlier post, married my husband after only a few months in a somewhat untraditional manner. As such, my single friends sometimes ask me for advice on how to find “The one.”

My friend didn’t like the advice I gave her, and maybe you won’t either. But I got some questions about what I said to make her not want to talk to me anymore, so I thought I’d capture it here.

As a note, my friend is not religious, and thus none of my advice listed here is based on Christian edicts for marriage or sexuality.

What “Job” Are You Looking For?

For young people (under 30) seeking a first marriage, the path is simple. If you are a woman, the job you are looking for is Wife.

Though there will be some specificities to your job responsibilities (working outside the home or being a homemaker, etc.), the job of Wife is well-established in all cultures. You know what you are signing yourself up for. As such, you know what you’re looking for in applicants for Husband.